A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

It appears that I still haven’t recovered from the whole writer’s block thing I had last month. Self-doubt is creeping in, and it’s really driving me nuts. Not to mention that I’m behind on my work yet again.

I’ve seriously considered going back to a regular job, and that’s not improving my mental state at all. I hate the thought of going back to working on someone else’s schedule, to make money for some faceless corporation. But even more than that, I hate the idea of no longer being able to call myself a writer. I truly love writing (at least when I’m not fighting tooth and nail to formulate a sentence), and when someone asks me what I do for a living, I’m proud to tell them. I couldn’t say that when I was flipping burgers, or running a machine, or even overseeing customer service.

I really think I need some medication or some therapy or something. But I can’t afford to go to the doctor over it. I’m going to have to either dig out a letter I got months ago or see if they’ll accept a statement from the Medicaid office before I can get a discount at the doctor’s office again, and even if I do, I’ll have to pay full price for my prescriptions. If only I could find some low cost health insurance, that wouldn’t be a problem. But as it stands there’s not much I can do about the situation.

It looks like I’m going to have to postpone my Windows 7 party and cancel my other weekend plans so I can sit in front of the computer and wish I could write. I probably won’t get much more work done than if I had kept my plans, but I couldn’t live with not being able to at least say I tried to get everything done.

Beyond that, I’m totally at a loss for what to do. I know I have to do something to support my family, and I know how I want to accomplish that. But for some reason, the words are just out of reach. And even if I wasn’t so opposed to reentering the job market, there just aren’t many jobs to be had right now.

Well, I guess I’m done ranting and raving for now. At least I managed to write a somewhat coherent blog post. Maybe now I can work my way up to an article or two.

Over the weekend, I installed Windows 7 on my computer. I received my copy two weeks ago through House Party, but I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to install it until this past Saturday evening. I wanted to do a clean install, because I was running 32-bit Vista but wanted to use the 64-bit version of 7. I was very concerned about doing that, though, because (1) I wasn’t sure whether or not my computer was equipped for it, and (2) I was afraid that I wouldn’t get all of my data backed up.

Well, I finally found out that my computer is perfectly capable of handling a 64-bit operating system. So all that was left to do was take a deep breath and start backing up those files. I dug out some blank DVDs and got to work. I saved all of my writing files, my Firefox bookmarks, my MP3s, and (I thought) my photos. And there were a few other things. I ended up with two DVDs full of files, so I figured I couldn’t have needed much more than that.

I crossed my fingers and started the installation, and it was quick and painless. I started playing around with the new OS to see what it could do, both out of curiosity and a desire to get prepared for my party. I was happy. That is, until I went to retrieve my photos from the DVD… and found that only about 20 of them were there!

I had saved the Pictures folder from my account, and as it turned out, most of my pictures were saved under the Public folder. I nearly fainted, and then almost cried. I had already lost two years’ worth of photos when making the transition from my old computer to the new one, and now this. I was terribly upset. I think I instantly aged about 10 years. I thought about going out and buying some wrinkle cream.

But last night, it occurred to me to poke around in the Windows.old folder. I had already discovered it, but thought it was just a backup of my program files. But as it turned out, all of my photos were right there, safe and sound. Can you say relief?

I’ve never been Microsoft’s biggest fan, but I have had Windows on every computer I’ve ever owned (except for my old Commodore 64, of course). And I’m eternally indebted to them for saving me from my stupid mistake by writing the code that created that Windows.old folder and put my prized photographs in it. I’m really enjoying Windows 7, too. I’ll post a full review very soon.

Yesterday, Hubby, Pumpkin and I went out to do some shopping before we dropped Pumpkin off at her friend’s birthday party. While we were out, I decided to pick up a bottle of valerian root. I’ve heard it’s good for anxiety and helps you sleep, and Hubby can use some help in both of those departments.

While I was in the pharmacy, I thought I’d look at some stuff to help keep us from getting sick. Hubby has already been sick enough to be out of work twice this fall, and I had the flu with him. I’ve heard that the best colon cleansers will help keep your immune system functioning properly, but I know I’d never get Hubby to agree to using such a product. So I decided on some Halls Defense drops. I thought maybe we could all use them.

Hubby liked them, but I couldn’t even get Pumpkin to try them. Not even after I told her that they tasted like orange Skittles. So I guess it’s back to the drawing board there. Any suggestions for good kids’ vitamins that aren’t too expensive?

Hubby has been fussing about his weight for some time now. It doesn’t bother me. Sure, he’s put on a few pounds since we got married, but I still find him just as attractive as he was when I met him. And I wouldn’t have room to say anything even if I wanted to, because I’ve put on more weight than he has.

He keeps asking me how to lose belly fat, which is rather amusing seeing how I’ve never had much luck doing so myself. I’ve offered some pointers on healthier eating, and told him that exercise would help. But he’s such a picky eater that getting him to eat anything healthy is like pulling teeth, and he claims that he gets plenty of exercise at work.

The only thing he will do in an effort to lose weight is skip meals, and that’s unhealthy and ineffective. I wish he would try to lose weight the right way or just get over it. But instead he keeps asking my advice and then ignoring it. What can you do, right?

I got a phone call this morning that I’ve been expecting for some time, but dreading nonetheless. My mom called to let me know that her brother, my uncle, had passed on.

Uncle Don was a really awesome person. I feel like I missed a lot by not getting to be around him more than I did. He lived kind of far off, so I only got to see him every few years when I was growing up. The last time I saw him was probably 6 years or so ago.

He found out that he had cancer a couple of years ago. My mom started going up to see him fairly often, and I planned to go with her sometime. But she started staying a week or two at a time when she went, and I couldn’t do that. So I didn’t get to see him the whole time he was sick.

Even though I didn’t get to see him much, I’ll still miss him. But at least he’s not suffering any more.

You know something’s up when I haven’t blogged for nearly two weeks. I know that, too. I’m just not sure what that something is.

Last month was a rough one, but I finally got caught up on my work. I was glad to have done that, and ready to move on and have a better month in October. But I just haven’t been able to get much of anything done. I know I need to, but I just can’t seem to stay on task. I always have trouble paying attention, but it seems to be more than that this time. I just can’t get motivated to make myself get things done.

And of course if I’m having trouble getting my work done, I can’t really justify doing much blogging. Even if I could justify it, I really haven’t had anything in my head to blog about. And that’s why I haven’t posted an update in almost two weeks.

Maybe I’m getting depressed again, I dunno. But if that is the problem, I’m just going to have to deal with it for now. There’s no way I can afford to get on medication again. I’m thinking about trying some herbs and seeing if they help. I guess it’s worth a shot.

I hope I can get through this without getting behind again. That would probably be enough to get me to give up on freelancing, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

Hubby’s honorary little brother brought his younger sister, three of his cousins and one of their friends to Pumpkin’s party yesterday. All but the youngest cousin are teenagers and preteens. So while the youngest one played with Pumpkin and the other kids their age, the teenagers mostly stood around looking sullen.

Eventually a couple of them started playing with balloons, which was funny. But the rest just mostly sat or stood around. They were polite and all, but seemed rather ill at ease, or angst-ridden or something. I can relate, I guess. I was like that at times when I was that age, and at a younger kid’s birthday party probably would have been one of those times.

But what really got me was that none of them would eat. Well, I talked one into having a piece of cake, but I don’t think the rest took a bite of anything. And they were all ridiculously skinny – it wasn’t like they needed to be in the market for weight loss pills or anything.

The teenage years are interesting, to say the least. In a way I miss mine, and in a way I’m glad they’re over. I guess most people feel that way to a certain extent.

I’m still playing catch-up after all that went on last month. But I’m finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve got one more big project to finish up, and a couple of smaller things, and then I’ll finally have it all done.

I had to take time out yesterday for Pumpkin’s birthday party. It wasn’t anything extravagant, and not many kids showed up. But everybody had a good time. Pumpkin went to spend the night with hubby’s great-aunt, but we ended up going to pick her up around 10:00 because she was homesick. Well, that’s what she said. I think it might have had something to do with wanting to play with her new toys. Just a hunch.

But now it’s back to work. Once I get all this done and don’t have to be so rushed, I won’t know what to do with myself. I’ll figure something out, though. I’m definitely going to take a day off and do something I want to do as soon as practicable. And then maybe I’ll seek out some free SEO tools and get to work optimizing my portfolio site. And after that, I’m sure I’ll think of something else.

It’s going to feel so good not to be under so much pressure. I just hope I can keep it that way.