A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

Friday before last, I went to the doctor for a follow-up on my new depression and anxiety meds. I told him they weren’t doing much good, and he upped the dosage on the Pristiq and referred me to the mental health place.

Well, I’m happy to report that the higher dosage seems to be doing the trick. I’ve felt better for the past week than I’ve felt in years! I actually feel like myself again, in a good way. Woo-hoo!

I had to take Pumpkin in for a checkup this past Friday in the same office with the pediatrician, and she passed with flying colors. I still hadn’t gotten a call about my appointment with mental health, so before we left the office, I asked the receptionist if they had contacted them yet. She pulled my file and saw that they hadn’t, and I told her that the medicine seemed to be doing its job. So she said they wouldn’t make the referral, and to just come back for my follow-up next month. Cool.

One thing I will need to talk to the doc about if it doesn’t get any better is insomnia. Since shortly after they upped my dosage, I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I just don’t seem to get sleepy at night. I’ve always been a night owl, but lately it hasn’t been unusual for me to lie awake until 4:00 in the morning. And it has made no difference whether I go to bed early or late. And this morning, I woke up around 6:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep, after only sleeping for maybe 3 hours.

I know that I need to get more sleep than that to remain healthy, so I’ll talk to him about it. Hopefully he can give me something (or even recommend something natural) to help me get the sleep I need without adjusting my dosage back down.

I never thought I would say that, but this weekend, it’s true. It has just been a cruddy weekend around here. It could have been worse, but it also could have been much better.

Why? Because Hubby somehow talked me into saying that his nephew, who happens to be one of my least favorite kids, could spend the weekend with us. Now, compared to how he usually is, he was very good. But that’s not saying much. If I had to be around that kid for any longer than a weekend, I would positively be pulling my hair out.

Besides that, it’s been miserably hot. I know, I’ve been dying for some warmer weather, but it could have come a little more gradually than it did. The past few days have been terribly hot and humid. There has been some rain every day, and the showers cooled things off for a while. But then the sun would come back out, and it would get even hotter than it was before. It’s times like these when I wish we had an air conditioner.

Add to all of that the fact that I wasn’t feeling well, and it makes for a rather foul mood. If only I could have spent the weekend productively, doing something like creating a website or picking out new home lighting or even just having some fun. Oh well. Maybe next weekend will be better.

So I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up on the medications he put me on. When he asked how I was doing on them, I told him that there was good news and bad news. The good news was that neither one of them was causing any side effects. And that was truly awesome news, because the last depression med I had been on caused some pretty annoying ones. The bad news? The new meds didn’t really seem to be helping.

He said that while Pristiq usually takes 6 to 8 weeks to reach its full effect, I should have at least noticed some improvement by now. He also said that if I had been dealing with depression for a really long time (try twenty-some years!), it could take a while to find the right medication and for even the perfect medication to do its job. So he asked me if I would be willing to go to the county mental health authority, since they specialize in such things. Now, I’m sure a lot of people would have balked at that idea, but I said sure, I’d be willing to give it a try.

The thing they’ve got here in the county where I live is an outpatient treatment facility. So it’s not like I would be hospitalized or anything. And while some people attach a stigma to people who go there, I’m not one of them. I know what it’s like to have problems, but I also know it doesn’t make me any less of a person. And the same goes for anyone else who has problems. Many of us lead what appear to others as normal lives, but in our minds, everyday life is something of a battlefield. We’re not menaces to society, but we’re menaces to our own wellbeing.

The doctor’s office is supposed to call me back and let me know when my first appointment will be. As far as I’m concerned, the sooner, the better. I’m ready to get my life back on track.

Why do printer ink cartridges have to be so darned expensive? I know they make the refillable ones now, and they’re somewhat cheaper, but I prefer to use the ones from the printer manufacturer. Partly because I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about refilling gone wrong, and partly because I want to be able to just pop in a cartridge and go.

There are websites and stores that sell discount diet pills and designer clothes at affordable prices. Why doesn’t anybody sell inexpensive ink cartridges? I’m sure there are a million reasons, but I suppose they’re just over my head. I finally broke down and bought a color cartridge for my printer so I could print out some tax forms. But I’m going to make that thing last as long as possible, that’s for sure!

Today has probably been the hottest day we’ve had all year. I’m not usually one to complain about hot weather, because I am not a fan of cold weather at all. But just this once, I think I might make an exception.

It didn’t help that today was the day of Pumpkin’s Girl Scouts awards ceremony. As usual, I waited until the last minute to get things done, including ironing the patches on her sash. I spent about an hour doing that this afternoon, and it wasn’t pleasant. We don’t have an air conditioner, and I couldn’t turn the fan toward where I was working because it kept blowing stuff around. So it felt like a sauna in the kitchen. If I had to do that every day, I wouldn’t need Apidexin to lose weight!

Then I realized that I didn’t have any shorts or capris to wear to the ceremony. The coolest thing I could find to wear was a black sleeveless dress. Black isn’t exactly known for keeping one cool, but it was very lightweight. So I got it out to wear, and I took my shower shortly before leaving. I didn’t dry my hair, because I wanted it to remain damp so it would help keep me cool. I knew it would be dry enough to be presentable by the time we got there, because Hubby always insists on leaving the windows down instead of running the AC in the truck.

Luckily it was pretty cool in the auditorium where they had it. But it was still hot out when we left. As soon as I got home, I put on a pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt, turned the fan on, and opened a couple more windows. According to the thermostat, it was over 80 degrees in here.

I hope the warm weather continues. Really, I do. I guess today was just a bit of a shock, considering how cool it’s been so far this year.

Today has been a major emotional roller coaster ride. I feel like I should be taking prenatal vitamins or something. Yes, I’m that moody.

Things were okay when I woke up this morning. I got up and showered immediately as planned, because Hubby and I were going to take Pumpkin to school. But Hubby didn’t get much sleep last night, so he ended up staying in bed. He jumped in the shower when I got back, and we headed out to take care of the day’s business.

The day’s business was a big part of the reason I got so emotional. We had decided to see about getting a personal loan so we could pay off both of our trucks and get mine fixed, and thereby get me out of my car until we’re able to get it worked on and lower the amount we have to pay out each month. I did my best not to get my hopes up, but you know how it is. When they informed us that they couldn’t count Hubby’s unemployment income, that seriously rained on my parade.

I was even going to see if they would accept me as a coborrower so they could count my income. But as it turned out, my income is all they could have counted. They will average it out according to the past two years’ income, but even if they did that it would show us not making enough to cover our bills. Oh, joy.

We had planned to try another local lender, but for some reason they were closed today. And I doubt they would have helped us either. Then Hubby’s cousin was trying to talk him into telling the lenders that he was working on the side, and was even going to say that he worked for him, so that he could have some countable income. But that would do nothing but get him in serious trouble. Not only could he lose his unemployment pay, he could also lose any chance of getting his disability. And the thought that he might actually go through with that sent my anxiety into overdrive.

He assured me that he wasn’t even considering it, but my nerves were already worn to a frazzle. As soon as we got home, I had to take some of my anxiety medicine. Fortunately, there was no more talk of trying to get a loan anywhere else today. I might be able to handle it next week, but not today.

Anyway, Pumpkin got home from school way early because it was their last day and they only went for three hours. We took her to McDonald’s to celebrate and ran a few more errands, then I dropped Hubby off with a friend and brought Pumpkin home. We both took a nap, and woke up in a playful mood. We just acted completely silly with each other, and that lifted my spirits a great deal. She has a way of doing that.

Now, she and Hubby have gone to his parents’ house so I can get a little work done. And my mood is what I guess you would call stable. Not particularly happy, but not sad or mad or anxious. I’m just here, really. But compared to earlier, it’s an improvement.

Pumpkin was after me to come to her awards ceremony at school from the time she found out when it was. Today was the day, and last night she practically begged me to come. I had planned on going if I had Hubby’s truck, but then he up and decided that he needed it today. So I told her I wasn’t sure if I would be there or not, because I didn’t want to drive my car. The throttle was sticking, and although Hubby said it was fixed, I was still a little afraid of it.

Well, she kept on until I finally said I would be there for sure. So this morning, I got up, put her on the bus, went back to bed, and told Hubby to call and make sure I was up no later than 9:00.

He forgot. And I didn’t wake up until nearly 10:00. So I had to majorly rush to get ready and get out of here in time to make it. I went out to the car, popped the hood, and hooked up that infernal wire that I’ve got to connect so that it will continue to run after it starts. And as I did that, I noticed that a hose was unhooked. It slipped back on easily, but I wasn’t sure if it needed a clamp on it or not. So I called Hubby, explained where it was, and got his approval to go ahead and drive it.

I got in, put the car in drive, pulled out into the road, and immediately realized that it needed some power steering fluid. So I had to stop at the nearest store (which fortunately is only about a quarter mile away), buy some, and put it in before continuing. By the time I did all that, I was running seriously late.

I got to the school without incident, but the visitors’ parking lot was full. People were parked alongside the private road that goes to the school, but I was afraid my car would either drag or get stuck if I parked there. So I had to go park in the bus parking lot and hope nobody pitched a fit.

I got in the gym just before the ceremony started. I was sweating like crazy because the car windows wouldn’t roll down and the air conditioning doesn’t work. All I had was the air from the little push-out windows to cool me off. I remembered to take my camcorder, but I was rather shaky, which made the video I got rather shaky.

Pumpkin got two awards, so I’m glad I made it. But when it was over, I was ready to get that car home and park it. I stuck around and talked to her for a minute, then hightailed it back out to the monstrosity, hooked the wire back up, and started it. It was then that I realized that I may not have enough gas to get back home. Instead of taking a chance, I went on to town and got some gas.

I turned the car off at the gas station, and of course had to unhook that wire so it would quit running. I pried the gas lid loose (because the button that pops it open isn’t working), got my gas, went in, and paid for it. Then I hooked the wire up and pulled out of the gas station parking lot.

I made it a few yards down the road before the thing died on me. Luckily I had enough speed built up that I was able to pull it into a parking lot across the road. I hopped out, popped the hood, and saw that the wire had come loose. By the time I hooked it back up and got in the car, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend were pulling in.

I told them everything was fine, that I just had to adjust the wire, and no I didn’t need them to follow me home. I thought I had talked them out of it, but when I got back on the road I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that she was following me anyway. Nice and all, but I really didn’t feel like dealing with them when I got to the house. But I didn’t really have any choice in the matter.

Anyway, I made it back, stood out in the driveway and talked to them forever, and now here I am. I wish I could say that I spent the morning looking at spa covers or something, but it was what it was. At least I got to show up and show my support for Pumpkin. I’m just glad it’s all over and done with.

I was browsing my RSS feeds this morning and I ran across something on the Freelance Switch blog that I thought might be of interest to my readers.

If you’re a blogger (even if you don’t consider yourself a freelancer), it’s important to know about legal issues that might apply to you. Freelance Switch just posted the first of a series entitled 8 Legal Issues for Bloggers. It’s definitely worth a read, whether you have a low-traffic blog or one that is a household name. Check it out and let me know what you think!

I don’t remember…

(In case you think you’ve heard that before, maybe you have. It’s from the Chumbawumba song “Amnesia”.)

Actually, my long-term memory is pretty good. I’d even go as far as saying it’s very good. I can remember things that happened as far back as before I started school. I can remember my grandmother’s phone number, and she passed away when I was a young teenager. I can remember Chumbawumba song lyrics, and I haven’t listened to them in probably twelve years. I can remember catalog numbers of various things, such as 745928A or TM-T88IV.

But my short-term memory is horrible. I have a terrible time remembering to take my medicine. I’ve pretty much given up on taking it at the same time every day, and feel like I’m doing good to remember to at least take it every day. I often get up to do something, and by the time I get to the room I need to be in to do it, I forget what I was going to do.

I like to play sudoku, but I have a hard time with it because I forget which rows, columns and boxes I’ve already tried to figure out. So when I was playing online sudoku and saw a link to a site where you can play memory-boosting games, I clicked. The site is called Lumosity, and it has all sorts of brain games to play. It’s membership-based, but there’s a one-week free trial, so I thought I would give it a whirl.

Turns out my memory is worse than I thought. I figured I’d have an easy time with a game where you match faces to names, because I’m not too bad at remembering people’s names in real life. But I did horrible on it. As a matter of fact, I did awful on all of the memory games. And no matter how many times I tried them, I didn’t do any better.

I suppose it’s just as well. If it appeared to be helping, I would probably want to subscribe, and that’s not in the budget right now. So I guess I’ll just have to keep living with my bad memory.

A few weeks ago, Hubby traded his cousins some stuff for some wrestling DVDs. Much to my dismay, none of them were WWE, so they didn’t have my beloved Shawn Michaels in them. But there were some TNA ones, and I saw one match with one of my other favorite wrestlers in it: Jeff Hardy.

Even though it’s not what I’m used to watching, I do kind of like TNA. Sting, a favorite of mine since childhood, is also on one of the DVDs. It’s a little rougher than what we’ve been watching, and depending on my mood I can’t stomach some of the bloodier stuff. But it’s something different to watch, which is always a good thing when you don’t have cable or satellite.

There are also a couple of DVDs from the smaller regional wrestling organizations. Some of those turned out to be better than others. The guys weren’t quite as huge as the ones in the big leagues, and some of them even look like they could benefit from taking some Noxycut. Could be that’s why they haven’t made it to WWE or TNA yet. But I’m no expert.

Hubby has watched all of those DVDs already and is watching some of them over. I caught bits and pieces, but I don’t see myself sitting down to a wrestling marathon anytime soon. Pro wrestling is one of my guilty pleasures, but I prefer it in small doses.