A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

I’ve received most of my pay for the month, a bit earlier than expected. After I pay some bills and see what’s left, I need to go shopping. Not for luxuries like designer jeans or the finest natural acne remedies, unfortunately, but much more boring stuff.

The top priorities on my list are a new computer chair and a new light fixture for the kitchen. My back troubles have finally gotten to the point where I definitely need to get a better chair to prevent permanent damage (or at least any more permanent damage than has already been done). I’m not nearly as bad off as Hubby as far as back problems go, but I have no desire to get that way, either.

As far as the light fixture for the kitchen, the one I bought at a yard sale a year or two ago is getting to be more trouble than it’s worth. The tiny bulbs it takes are expensive and don’t throw out much light, and they blow way too quickly. And the fixture itself is cheaply made – the sockets are too loose to hold the bulbs securely, so they’re constantly loosening up and going out. I think the expense of a new fixture is very much justified.

I need a new frying pan, too. My old one is on its last legs. I think I found one on Amazon that suits my needs, though, and I’ll have enough gift certificates to almost pay for it.

I think that’s all I need for now. I hope so anyway, because I’d like to save up some money if there’s any left after paying the bills and buying those things. Finances have been stressing me out in a big way lately, and a little more breathing room would be nice.

I’m not dead and I’m not for sale
Hold me closer closer let me go
Let me be, just let me be

If you’re not a Stone Temples Pilot fan, that’s the chorus from Trippin on a Hole in a Paper Heart. It’s one of my favorite songs, but it describes my life much more than I’d like it to lately.

My mind is desperately trying to slip into the depression that it was in for such a long time. I’ve been terribly stressed out, much of it my own fault but a lot of it coming from sources beyond my control. And it just makes me want to go crawl in a hole somewhere until it all goes away.

I’ve got a new baby turtle that kind of has the same philosophy. When she’s feeling happy and ready to explore she’s always running around (well, moving as fast as her little turtle legs will take her) and exploring, but when it all gets to be too much, she crawls into her little shell until conditions are more favorable. Oh, how I’d love to have one of those shells of my own sometimes.

But I don’t, so I have to try to deal with everything as best I can. I wish my hardest decision this month was whether to buy the htc incredible s at the source or the Blackberry Storm from a local carrier, but sadly it isn’t. My worries are more along the line of how are we going to keep the electricity on since the electric company up and decided they want a huge deposit after we’ve been with them for ten years and how to clean up the mess made by a misunderstanding with the autopay function on our credit card.

On a good day, I could handle this no problem. But today is not a good day. The thought of picking up the phone and talking to one of those people makes me want to projectile vomit. No joke. But I guess I’m just going to have to have a trash can handy and get it over with.

You might have noticed that I was a bit agitated when I wrote my last post. Heck, I’ve been a bit agitated ever since, up until now. I’ve been through the whole roller coaster of emotions, from anger to depression to being a nervous wreck and everything in between. I just got behind when I had so much faith in myself that I wouldn’t let it happen, and that really took a toll on me. Between that and it feeling like I’m responsible for doing pretty much everything in this household, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I’m not apologizing. I don’t think I did or said anything out of the way. It was just me being me, and although demands from others were part of the equation, it was completely my fault for not meeting them as promised.

Hubby has been rather out of sorts over it all, too. He doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough, even though we both know he’s doing all he can. And actually more than he should. He got on a housekeeping spree yesterday and started cleaning the bedroom and washing clothes to keep himself busy and help me out, which I really didn’t mind. But even small stuff like that is hard on his back lately, and I wish he’d just pace himself.

But anyhow, I’m more or less caught back up on everything for now. The urges to headbutt the computer screen, or at least give it a few good lashings with a petroleum hose, are gone. And that’s good, because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one at the moment!

Not you, my dear readers. Just the rest of the world in general.

I haven’t been blogging much lately, and it’s been because I’ve been pulled in so many freaking different directions that I’ve forgotten which end is up. And as we all know, blogging upside down is quite difficult. Right?

Anyhoo, I’ve been busting my butt to try to keep certain contracts that offer some semblance of stability, while also trying to keep the clients who offer less stability but regular work happy, and also trying to keep the family happy and the house in something that somewhat resembles order. And (here’s the biggie) trying to keep the finances in order. I realize that I need to take some time out for myself, and I have. But it seems like every time I do, I end up regretting it later because I end up behind schedule on everything else.

I was near the breaking point earlier today. I was working on two different projects, one of which I have to do a certain portion of today, and the other that was due today but I was woefully behind on. Then I got a little bit of bad news about the finances, then a little more, and a little more, until I was just about ready to blow a gasket. Fortunately, by that time, dear Hubby was on his way to the liquor store to pick me up some, shall we say, extra-strength anxiety medication.

I partook, and now I’m much calmer. But I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to get our finances straightened out. I guess I’ll tackle that once all this other work is done. If I worry about it now, there’s no way I’ll even come close to making my deadline.

As always, it could be worse. I could have found out that I need to start looking for some nice comfy maternity clothing. Right now, that would be the icing on the shit cake, for sure. I’ve got enough to deal with, and while babies are adorable and all, I don’t have the time or desire to have one of my own right now. Fortunately I’m taking highly effective precautions against that.

I had considered quitting blogging due to all the other stuff I’ve got going on, but now I’m glad I didn’t. It gives me a place to vent in a way I just can’t with family or the few friends I have. Just bear with me. And if you’d like to commiserate, share your grievances, or whatever in the comments, feel free to do so! It might take me a while to respond, but I promise that I’m there for ya!

I’m thinking about trying to have a yard sale again. I hate having yard sales, but we have a bunch of junk that we need to get rid of that’s cluttering up the garage. And I’d rather attempt a yard sale than sell things on eBay. Sure, I’d probably get more out of some of it that way, but I just don’t have the time to do all the listing and packaging and stuff.

Most of the stuff is Pumpkin’s old clothes and toys, and she’ll get the proceeds from that. I’ll be selling some clothes I can’t wear and some other random stuff. And Hubby has all sorts of stuff that he’s acquired here and there that he can’t use, from mufflers to transmission kits to ATV Lights.

If Hubby gets the okay, we might have a spot in the middle of town to set up. That means we won’t have to bother with advertising, and if I don’t get everything ready in time or it rains or something, we can probably just wait until the following weekend. Then my biggest concern will be disposing of everything that doesn’t sell. I know a good place to donate the clothes, but I’ll have to look into places to take the other stuff.

I’m shooting for having it weekend after next if we get permission to use the lot in town. We’ll see how it goes.

I knew this day would come. I was hoping it wouldn’t be quite so soon, but it’s not like something I can control.

What day, you ask? The day when my little girl would become a preteen. I’m not talking about physical development here, thankfully. But the changing social dynamics and attitude are just as… what’s the word?… interesting, I guess.

Pumpkin has a boyfriend, and that doesn’t bother me too much. It’s all very innocent, talking on the phone every now and then, buying each other stuff, writing cute little love notes, and so on. But now another guy supposedly likes her, and her best friend is trying to talk her into breaking up with her current boyfriend and asking the other guy out. Her nerves are in a tizzy over it all, and so are mine. I’m trying to help her, but it’s her decision and I don’t want to intrude too much. And I realize that these kinds of things will look pretty insignificant to both of us down the road, but to her right now they’re a big deal.

And then there’s the whole Facebook thing. She asked me if she could sign up, and I said no. But apparently a lot of her friends are on there. (I thought the minimum age to set up an account was 13? Guess that’s not really enforced.) And she keeps telling me about this person saying that about that person on Facebook, and who has how many friends, and so on and so forth. I wouldn’t care if she never got on Facebook myself. I have an account so that I can touch base with old friends from time to time, but otherwise I stay as far away from there as possible. Too much drama.

I know Pumpkin is still young, and there’s a lot more to come. I hear Veralyze is a good wrinkle cream – maybe I should go ahead and stock up on it now.

Somehow, Hubby talked me into letting him buy a motorcycle. He went this morning and got his license, and now he’s in the process of making the transaction final. Oh boy.

I’m going to be worried about him riding it, and I hated to go into any more debt (even though it’s not much at all). But it’s a good thing in a lot of ways. When he’s riding it, I’ll have an actual operational vehicle to drive. And it’ll save us a ton of money on gas. He got a great deal on it, too, so if he should decide to sell it he should easily get back what he’s got in it, and maybe even turn a profit.

Of course, he’s all excited. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went out and had door hangers printed up about it and rode around putting them on people’s doors. I’m happy for him. He’s had a lot on his mind lately, and he needed something to smile about. I guess that’s a big part of the reason I gave in so easily.

I’m hoping that once he gets some on-road experience he’ll help me learn to ride so I can get my motorcycle license, too. I’ve always wanted to ride one myself. But seeing how I couldn’t even take off on his brother’s scooter, learning may be a slow process for me.

I’ve been lazy this weekend. Shame on me.

Well, I actually got a little bit accomplished around the house. I got a few loads of clothes washed and hung out while the weather was nice, and did a little cleaning. Nothing too ambitious, though. As far as work, I did pretty much nothing. I had a few things I could have done, but no looming deadlines, so I decided to take it easy. I think I deserved a weekend off after busting my butt all last month.

Last night I went to see Fast 5 with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. It was friggin awesome! I didn’t really expect much from it with it being the fifth movie in the series, but I really enjoyed it. If you liked the others, be sure to see this one.

Nothing much went on other than that. But for some reason, my back has been killing me today. With all the aching backs around here, I’m beginning to hope that Pumpkin will decide to go to massage therapy school when she graduates. Too bad she’s still in elementary school.

It’s late, so I’m going to pry myself away from the computer and get to bed. So long!