A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

I’ve never really been much of a coffee person until recently. But when I decided to make myself start getting up earlier and going to bed earlier, it sort of became a necessity. I don’t drink it every day, because if I do it makes certain health problems flare up. But I do drink a couple of cups on mornings when I need to resist the urge to go back to bed after Pumpkin leaves for school.

But I’m beginning to realize that coffee doesn’t like me any more than I like it. It hurts my stomach if I don’t eat something before I drink it, and today it’s given me a terrible case of the runs. It’s kind of like I took half a bottle of the diet pills that rush stuff through your system before it can turn into fat. (Sorry if that’s too much information!)

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need an alternative to coffee. I’ve tried 5-hour energy, and it does absolutely nothing for me. I can’t drink energy drinks because they are loaded with caffeine as well, plus I’d probably break out from the artificial colors and flavorings. And I’m not supposed to drink soda at all because of the artificial stuff in it.

So what’s a girl to do to get a boost in the morning? Hook herself up to a set of jumper cables? I’m going to have to figure something out.

Pumpkin’s birthday is a little over a month away. And I have no earthly idea what to get her this year.

She’s getting too old for toys, but she’s not quite old enough to really appreciate gifts you’d buy for teenagers. I guess that’s part of the reason they call them the tween years, huh?

I was looking at some Casio cameras digital (not film like the one her aunt got her a couple of years ago and she’s never used). She has a super-cheap digital camera that works with those password journals, but she has said she wants one with a screen. It’s been a while since she talked about it, though, so I’m not sure if she’s still interested or not.

The only thing I’ve been able to come up with is clothes. And maybe a good pair of earrings if I can find some that are affordable. The Simply Whispers ones I got her last year are starting to bother her ears, so I guess I need to go with 14 karat gold.

I’m hoping I can think of something to get her from Amazon. I’ve been earning as many points as possible from Swagbucks and ordering Amazon gift cards with them. So far I’ve racked up $15 worth in the past week, plus I’ve already got a $20 balance in my account. If I keep going maybe I can get her something nice.

If you have any other tween gift ideas, I’d love to hear them!

I’m on medication for anxiety. I don’t take it every day, just as needed. Lately I haven’t needed it very much, which is good, because it makes me feel run down and/or sleepy. But there was a time when I had to take it frequently. I was anxious a goodly portion of the time, and I was having panic attacks.

If you’ve never had one, panic attacks suck. People experience them in different ways, but for me they were signified by trouble breathing, my heart pounding and sometimes nearly passing out. Not fun.

Thankfully I haven’t had one of those in a long time. But just today I came to the realization that Hubby has probably been having them for years.

Back when he was working at the tire shop, he came home one day and declared that he was going to quit smoking. I asked what led him to that decision, and he said that he had lit a cigarette when he was at work and had a pain in his chest that took his breath. I said that it sounded like quitting would be a good idea, and he did.

But a few evenings later, he had a similar pain in his chest. It was bad enough that he decided to go to the emergency room, because he thought it could be his heart. They ran tests – drew blood, did an ECG, the whole nine yards – and everything came back normal. Since it didn’t appear to be any other sort of emergency, they sent him home.

He kept having pains, and he eventually found out he needed to have his gall bladder removed. He did, and things were better in a lot of ways. He didn’t have any of those types of pains for a long time. But eventually he did again.

Since they were less frequent, and the symptoms didn’t last too long at a time, he didn’t talk to the doctor about it any more. But today he came home from a friend’s house and said he had had such an episode again. I asked him what happened, and he said he had to help put out a fire that would have burned the house down if he and some other guys hadn’t acted quickly. He was still pretty shaken up about it.

And that’s when it hit me. Many of the other times when he’s had those pains, it has been when he suddenly got upset about something. Since his muscles are pretty much constantly pulled due to his back problems, I’m guessing that his anxiety causes them to tighten up suddenly, causing intense pain.

Sounds like a panic attack in my (nonprofessional) opinion. Maybe I’ll be able to talk him into discussing it with the doctor next time he goes in.

Since I wrote my last post, I’ve gotten absolutely nothing accomplished. Well, that’s not completely true. I did eat lunch.

I’ve gotta break out of this motivational funk that I’m in. I’m ahead on my work, and I’d like to keep it that way. And I also need to get my scheduled work out of the way so I can do more of the stuff that I can work on at my own pace. Money is tight, as usual, and it would be nice to have some extra coming in.

As far as the lifestyle changes I mentioned earlier go, I need to get cracking on those. I’ve been telling myself that I would start exercising when the weather cooled down enough. Well, it’s slightly cooler than has been the norm this summer right now, so I need to start getting out and walking or something. I know when I was younger and exercised regularly it gave me more energy and motivation, and I’m hoping that it will still have that effect. Of course, with my ridiculously low energy levels of late, it could just wear me down further, but I’ll never know until I try, will I?

Hubby keeps telling me that I should get a bicycle. I’m not too keen on that idea, because although I can ride one, it never was something I was particularly good at. And I’d be afraid to ride one on the curvy roads around here, so I’d have to load it up and go somewhere else. I wouldn’t have to spring for a fancy Thule bike rack, though. I could just throw it on the back of the truck.

Besides exercise, eating healthier is on my list of changes I need to make. I know it won’t help with energy or motivation on its own, because I’ve tried that before. But maybe in combination with the exercise it will make a difference.

I’ve also thought about trying some new agey stuff like visualization. I’m a bit skeptical, but I don’t suppose it could hurt. If I do, of course, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Long time no blog, huh?

Don’t worry, I haven’t slipped into another deep depression, and nobody has collected a whole life insurance policy on me (obviously). I just haven’t gotten around to blogging much. I’ve had a lot on my plate, and it just kind of fell by the wayside. You know how it goes.

I promised an update on my laptop, so here goes: I like it. It’s not as fast as my desktop, but it gets the job done. And I’ve had no serious issues with it. I think it was a good deal for the money. My only concern is that I recently found out that the screen often goes out prematurely on the model I purchased. But if it goes out within a year it will be covered by the warranty, and I hope to be able to buy a brand spanking new one soon after that. So maybe it won’t be an issue.

I should be writing some articles right now, but I can’t seem to get motivated today. I’m not pushing a deadline, so I guess that’s why. I still need to work on staying motivated when I’m not under pressure. But I can’t complain too much – this time last year I couldn’t even stay motivated when I was under pressure. I guess the medication is doing its thing to a certain degree. I’m not interested in upping my dose or adding more meds, so I’m hoping some lifestyle changes will get me where I need to be. More on that later.

I took Pumpkin up to spend some time with my mom a couple of days ago. We’ll be going back to get her this weekend. It’s so quiet around here without her, and rather boring. I miss her like crazy, but she’s having fun and I wouldn’t dream of cutting her time up there short. Hubby, on the other hand, has been all to pieces. He can’t stand to be away from her for very long, and every time he talks to her on the phone, he asks if she’s ready to come home.

I’m hoping to use this time to get lots of work done. So far I have gotten a decent amount done, but haven’t made any great strides. I’ve still got a few days left, though.

In other news, I did something really, really stupid last week. Hubby, Pumpkin and I went camping, and I put my phone in the tent when the battery went dead. I brought it home and charged up the battery, then tried to turn it on. Nothing happened. I started freaking out. It’s not that I wouldn’t love to have an excuse to get a new Blackberry Curve, it’s that I’m still very much under contract and couldn’t afford to pay full price for one.

I kept trying to turn it on all day, to no avail. I pored through the manual looking for possible solutions, and looked online, to no avail. When Hubby came in, I broke the news to him. He picked up my phone, and it turned on for him with no problem.

I’m not 100% positive, but I think I must have been pushing the wrong button. The End key is the one you use to turn it on, but to unlock the keypad, you push the button directly above it. I think I was pushing that button instead. Doh!

That made me feel pretty dumb. But I’m glad to know it’s working now, because I have to use it to call and check up on Pumpkin. Speaking of which, I haven’t talked to her today… Gotta go!

Pumpkin has been complaining because the TV in her room was so small. I don’t really know why it matters, because she only watches it when she goes to bed to help her get to sleep. But Hubby got a call the other day from his brother, who said he had a larger TV he would sell for $5.

He went to look at it, and it played very well, so he bought it. Pumpkin had gone to Bible school with a neighbor, so we just switched it out and didn’t say anything about it. When she got home and saw it, she was a very happy camper.

The brother-in-law called back today, saying he had some more TVs he wanted to get rid of. I asked Hubby if he had robbed a TV truck. But apparently another relative had gotten them from a local loan company for next to nothing, and he had sold them to him for not much more than that.

Hubby is supposed to go look at them tomorrow. I don’t know if he has anything other than TVs or not. It would be nice if he would bring a cell booster home, or maybe a Wii. But I guess that’s just wishful thinking.

My brain could certainly use a motivational poke. I had been getting up fairly early (well, for me anyway) since Pumpkin got out of school. But today I woke up late, and a couple hours later I still haven’t truly woken up. My brain is not being cooperative at all today.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t just take the easy way out and marry one of the top Texas business lawyers so I wouldn’t have to worry about working and making money. But then I remember that I married for love, not money. What was I thinking??? (Hubby, if you see this, I hope you know that I’m just kidding and wouldn’t trade you for all the money in the world!)

I thought I was finally going to get myself on a normal schedule since I’ve been able to go to bed at a decent time and actually go to sleep lately. But if things continue this way, I guess I’ll have to go back to staying up late and working. I’m more productive late at night, and since Pumpkin is out of school, I won’t have to worry about getting up early. So even if my insomnia comes back and I don’t get to sleep until 4:00 in the morning, I’ll be able to sleep in. Maybe I can make it through the summer that way.

I’ve received most of my pay for the month, a bit earlier than expected. After I pay some bills and see what’s left, I need to go shopping. Not for luxuries like designer jeans or the finest natural acne remedies, unfortunately, but much more boring stuff.

The top priorities on my list are a new computer chair and a new light fixture for the kitchen. My back troubles have finally gotten to the point where I definitely need to get a better chair to prevent permanent damage (or at least any more permanent damage than has already been done). I’m not nearly as bad off as Hubby as far as back problems go, but I have no desire to get that way, either.

As far as the light fixture for the kitchen, the one I bought at a yard sale a year or two ago is getting to be more trouble than it’s worth. The tiny bulbs it takes are expensive and don’t throw out much light, and they blow way too quickly. And the fixture itself is cheaply made – the sockets are too loose to hold the bulbs securely, so they’re constantly loosening up and going out. I think the expense of a new fixture is very much justified.

I need a new frying pan, too. My old one is on its last legs. I think I found one on Amazon that suits my needs, though, and I’ll have enough gift certificates to almost pay for it.

I think that’s all I need for now. I hope so anyway, because I’d like to save up some money if there’s any left after paying the bills and buying those things. Finances have been stressing me out in a big way lately, and a little more breathing room would be nice.

You might have noticed that I was a bit agitated when I wrote my last post. Heck, I’ve been a bit agitated ever since, up until now. I’ve been through the whole roller coaster of emotions, from anger to depression to being a nervous wreck and everything in between. I just got behind when I had so much faith in myself that I wouldn’t let it happen, and that really took a toll on me. Between that and it feeling like I’m responsible for doing pretty much everything in this household, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I’m not apologizing. I don’t think I did or said anything out of the way. It was just me being me, and although demands from others were part of the equation, it was completely my fault for not meeting them as promised.

Hubby has been rather out of sorts over it all, too. He doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough, even though we both know he’s doing all he can. And actually more than he should. He got on a housekeeping spree yesterday and started cleaning the bedroom and washing clothes to keep himself busy and help me out, which I really didn’t mind. But even small stuff like that is hard on his back lately, and I wish he’d just pace himself.

But anyhow, I’m more or less caught back up on everything for now. The urges to headbutt the computer screen, or at least give it a few good lashings with a petroleum hose, are gone. And that’s good, because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one at the moment!