A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

You might have noticed that I was a bit agitated when I wrote my last post. Heck, I’ve been a bit agitated ever since, up until now. I’ve been through the whole roller coaster of emotions, from anger to depression to being a nervous wreck and everything in between. I just got behind when I had so much faith in myself that I wouldn’t let it happen, and that really took a toll on me. Between that and it feeling like I’m responsible for doing pretty much everything in this household, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I’m not apologizing. I don’t think I did or said anything out of the way. It was just me being me, and although demands from others were part of the equation, it was completely my fault for not meeting them as promised.

Hubby has been rather out of sorts over it all, too. He doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough, even though we both know he’s doing all he can. And actually more than he should. He got on a housekeeping spree yesterday and started cleaning the bedroom and washing clothes to keep himself busy and help me out, which I really didn’t mind. But even small stuff like that is hard on his back lately, and I wish he’d just pace himself.

But anyhow, I’m more or less caught back up on everything for now. The urges to headbutt the computer screen, or at least give it a few good lashings with a petroleum hose, are gone. And that’s good, because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one at the moment!

Not you, my dear readers. Just the rest of the world in general.

I haven’t been blogging much lately, and it’s been because I’ve been pulled in so many freaking different directions that I’ve forgotten which end is up. And as we all know, blogging upside down is quite difficult. Right?

Anyhoo, I’ve been busting my butt to try to keep certain contracts that offer some semblance of stability, while also trying to keep the clients who offer less stability but regular work happy, and also trying to keep the family happy and the house in something that somewhat resembles order. And (here’s the biggie) trying to keep the finances in order. I realize that I need to take some time out for myself, and I have. But it seems like every time I do, I end up regretting it later because I end up behind schedule on everything else.

I was near the breaking point earlier today. I was working on two different projects, one of which I have to do a certain portion of today, and the other that was due today but I was woefully behind on. Then I got a little bit of bad news about the finances, then a little more, and a little more, until I was just about ready to blow a gasket. Fortunately, by that time, dear Hubby was on his way to the liquor store to pick me up some, shall we say, extra-strength anxiety medication.

I partook, and now I’m much calmer. But I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to get our finances straightened out. I guess I’ll tackle that once all this other work is done. If I worry about it now, there’s no way I’ll even come close to making my deadline.

As always, it could be worse. I could have found out that I need to start looking for some nice comfy maternity clothing. Right now, that would be the icing on the shit cake, for sure. I’ve got enough to deal with, and while babies are adorable and all, I don’t have the time or desire to have one of my own right now. Fortunately I’m taking highly effective precautions against that.

I had considered quitting blogging due to all the other stuff I’ve got going on, but now I’m glad I didn’t. It gives me a place to vent in a way I just can’t with family or the few friends I have. Just bear with me. And if you’d like to commiserate, share your grievances, or whatever in the comments, feel free to do so! It might take me a while to respond, but I promise that I’m there for ya!

I’m thinking about trying to have a yard sale again. I hate having yard sales, but we have a bunch of junk that we need to get rid of that’s cluttering up the garage. And I’d rather attempt a yard sale than sell things on eBay. Sure, I’d probably get more out of some of it that way, but I just don’t have the time to do all the listing and packaging and stuff.

Most of the stuff is Pumpkin’s old clothes and toys, and she’ll get the proceeds from that. I’ll be selling some clothes I can’t wear and some other random stuff. And Hubby has all sorts of stuff that he’s acquired here and there that he can’t use, from mufflers to transmission kits to ATV Lights.

If Hubby gets the okay, we might have a spot in the middle of town to set up. That means we won’t have to bother with advertising, and if I don’t get everything ready in time or it rains or something, we can probably just wait until the following weekend. Then my biggest concern will be disposing of everything that doesn’t sell. I know a good place to donate the clothes, but I’ll have to look into places to take the other stuff.

I’m shooting for having it weekend after next if we get permission to use the lot in town. We’ll see how it goes.

I knew this day would come. I was hoping it wouldn’t be quite so soon, but it’s not like something I can control.

What day, you ask? The day when my little girl would become a preteen. I’m not talking about physical development here, thankfully. But the changing social dynamics and attitude are just as… what’s the word?… interesting, I guess.

Pumpkin has a boyfriend, and that doesn’t bother me too much. It’s all very innocent, talking on the phone every now and then, buying each other stuff, writing cute little love notes, and so on. But now another guy supposedly likes her, and her best friend is trying to talk her into breaking up with her current boyfriend and asking the other guy out. Her nerves are in a tizzy over it all, and so are mine. I’m trying to help her, but it’s her decision and I don’t want to intrude too much. And I realize that these kinds of things will look pretty insignificant to both of us down the road, but to her right now they’re a big deal.

And then there’s the whole Facebook thing. She asked me if she could sign up, and I said no. But apparently a lot of her friends are on there. (I thought the minimum age to set up an account was 13? Guess that’s not really enforced.) And she keeps telling me about this person saying that about that person on Facebook, and who has how many friends, and so on and so forth. I wouldn’t care if she never got on Facebook myself. I have an account so that I can touch base with old friends from time to time, but otherwise I stay as far away from there as possible. Too much drama.

I know Pumpkin is still young, and there’s a lot more to come. I hear Veralyze is a good wrinkle cream – maybe I should go ahead and stock up on it now.

Somehow, Hubby talked me into letting him buy a motorcycle. He went this morning and got his license, and now he’s in the process of making the transaction final. Oh boy.

I’m going to be worried about him riding it, and I hated to go into any more debt (even though it’s not much at all). But it’s a good thing in a lot of ways. When he’s riding it, I’ll have an actual operational vehicle to drive. And it’ll save us a ton of money on gas. He got a great deal on it, too, so if he should decide to sell it he should easily get back what he’s got in it, and maybe even turn a profit.

Of course, he’s all excited. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went out and had door hangers printed up about it and rode around putting them on people’s doors. I’m happy for him. He’s had a lot on his mind lately, and he needed something to smile about. I guess that’s a big part of the reason I gave in so easily.

I’m hoping that once he gets some on-road experience he’ll help me learn to ride so I can get my motorcycle license, too. I’ve always wanted to ride one myself. But seeing how I couldn’t even take off on his brother’s scooter, learning may be a slow process for me.

I’ve been lazy this weekend. Shame on me.

Well, I actually got a little bit accomplished around the house. I got a few loads of clothes washed and hung out while the weather was nice, and did a little cleaning. Nothing too ambitious, though. As far as work, I did pretty much nothing. I had a few things I could have done, but no looming deadlines, so I decided to take it easy. I think I deserved a weekend off after busting my butt all last month.

Last night I went to see Fast 5 with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. It was friggin awesome! I didn’t really expect much from it with it being the fifth movie in the series, but I really enjoyed it. If you liked the others, be sure to see this one.

Nothing much went on other than that. But for some reason, my back has been killing me today. With all the aching backs around here, I’m beginning to hope that Pumpkin will decide to go to massage therapy school when she graduates. Too bad she’s still in elementary school.

It’s late, so I’m going to pry myself away from the computer and get to bed. So long!

Hope everybody had a nice Easter weekend. Mine was good.

On Saturday we went to my brother-in-law’s house for a cookout. I was dreading it, but we actually had a good time. But Pumpkin ended up bringing a puppy home, much to our chagrin. Don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable, as you can see in the picture. I just didn’t really want any more creatures to take care of. I think I’m going to have to send Pumpkin to Los Angeles detox rehab to get her over her pet addiction.

Sunday was fairly quiet. Hubby’s cousin came over and helped him work on his dirt bike, and we ate a nice, juicy slow-cooked ham for dinner. We bought Pumpkin some clothes and a little candy, and since she no longer believes in the Easter Bunny, I just threw them in a gift bag for her. She was very happy.

So that was my Easter weekend in a nutshell. Now it’s back to regularly scheduled programming.

I’m beginning to get a little overwhelmed with all of the work that’s coming my way. I snagged another writing contract that runs through September and will likely be extended beyond that. I’ve also been getting work off and on from my newly reacquired client, as well as the ongoing work that the awesome folks at Coupon Trunk provide each week. Add to that my 20 to 25 hours a week at my “job”, and I’m a busy lady.

Well, I wouldn’t say that I’m too busy by normal standards. But after just getting back on track to a somewhat normal life after having been almost completely incapacitated for months on end, it’s a bit nerve wracking. I’ve been barely making my deadlines, and I’ve been contending with writer’s block as well.

But I’ve got to think positively. If I don’t, and I let myself get all stressed out, all this work that I worked so hard to get is going to start crumbling away. And then I would be right back where I started. And quite frankly, I never, ever want to go back there again. I’m ready to get on with my life, get enough money coming in to keep us ahead and get some saved up, and start truly enjoying life again. If I have to work my butt off to make it to that point, so be it.

I haven’t had much time off lately, that’s for sure. Hubby and I have been needing to take a long weekend and go up to my mom’s to get some work done on some trees around her house, but between the insane weather and my schedule, it hasn’t happened yet. By the time I do get up there, I’ll probably be taking her some Mother’s Day flowers (and late ones at that)!

But I can live with that. And I can live with the missed opportunities to have an actual social life lately. The one thing that bothers me is not getting to spend much time with Hubby and Pumpkin. I’ve had to really struggle to make myself stay on task while they’re here, not because they’ve been bugging me to death – they’ve been surprisingly cooperative when I have work to do – but because I know they’re just in the other room and I want to be in there with them. I’ve given in more than I should lately, but I’m going to have to toughen up a bit. At least until the finances are looking better.

The whole balancing act between work and home life is never easy when you work from home. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because I don’t have to let someone else raise my daughter, and I don’t have to worry about not being able to be there for her when she’s sick, needs to talk girl talk, wants me to go to a school function or otherwise needs me. No matter how busy I may be, I can rearrange my schedule so that I can be the Mom I want to be.

Just wanted to pop in and let everybody know that I’m still around. I’ve just been really busy and had a lot on my plate and on my mind lately, and haven’t gotten around to blogging. No big catastrophes, no depressive episodes, just life happening.

I’m still waiting to see if I passed the last qualification test I took for that job. I really hope I did. I’m also scheduled to take an exam for another company that does basically the same thing, but I haven’t heard as many good things about them. At least it’s something to fall back on if this doesn’t work out, though.

I had a busy weekend, what with Pumpkin having a sleepover, she and her friend attending a birthday party, all of us driving up and spending the night with my mom, driving back, and then hanging out with Hubby’s cousin’s family. By the time we got home on Sunday evening, we were all absolutely tuckered out. I slept very well that night, for once.

Now I’m home alone, getting ready to eat a bite and then tackle some writing work while I have the house to myself. Maybe it won’t be so long before my next post.

Hubby’s brother got married yesterday. It wasn’t a big affair, they just went to the courthouse and made it official. Since they didn’t have a reception or anything, he wanted to do something to celebrate, so he decided to buy lunch for everybody from KFC. Since he doesn’t have a car or his license, he called and asked us to take him out to pick it up. And since we were invited to eat and all, how could we say no?

So off we went. I had to stop by Wally World to pick up some sinus pills for Pumpkin, since she’s still feeling pretty cruddy. I would have liked to returned the jeans that I bought her and she couldn’t wear, but there was no time for that. Hubby dropped me off at the entrance, and I walked in, grabbed a water so Pumpkin would be able to take her medicine, jetted right past the makeup and anti wrinkle cream without giving it a second look, went to the pharmacy, got the pills and left. I think that’s the quickest I’ve ever gotten out of there – I didn’t have to wait in line or anything.

After that, we picked up the chicken and headed to the in-laws’ house. Much to my surprise, Pumpkin didn’t want any chicken. All she ate was a few potato wedges. She had to be feeling poorly to turn down fried chicken.

Hubby and I ate, then we sat around and visited for a little while before we came home. I had laundry and work to do. I hadn’t planned to go out today, but since when does anything ever go like I planned? But it’s all good. At least we got free lunch out of the deal.