Perhaps you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about. Well, I’ll tell you. I started out the new year with a positive outlook, despite the fact that things weren’t going so well. I kept telling myself that this year was going to be better than last year, and I was going to get started making things better right away. And I got started. I got ahead on my work, started actively looking for new clients, and even got some stuff done around the house that I needed to do.

And then one day I started feeling a little down. Thinking that depression was trying to set in once again, I became determined that I was not going to let it happen. I started losing focus, but I took a deep breath and told myself that it was going to be alright. I was going to make it be alright. And even though my mind was being completely uncooperative, I managed to get some paying work done before I went to bed, just like I had promised myself I would do. So what if it took until 3:30 in the morning? I was determined that the forces of evil were not going to win.

Well. The following afternoon, I woke up feeling like a train had run over my head. I figured it was my sinuses acting up again, and I wasn’t about to let it get the best of me. So I got some medication and tried to go on my merry way. But the medicine didn’t help, and in fact I just kept feeling worse until I realized that I had another Head Cold from Hell.

And that’s where I’m at right now. Sitting here, trying to get a thing or two done after being almost completely incapacitated for the past couple of days, thanks to the ringing in my ears and the dizziness every time I do anything but sit down and the coughing and the sneezing and the pain and the mucus. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

All this wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that the bill juggling is not going so well right now. I’m feeling the pressure to try and keep money coming in, but I’m having a ridiculously hard time concentrating because I feel so tired and icky. It sucks.

Why does it have to be this way? Why, when I start to gain a little momentum, does something always have to bring it to a screeching halt? It’s not like I’m asking for too much. At least I don’t think so. I don’t want to go on a shopping spree and buy expensive jewelry or the latest gadgets or Polaris RZR accessories or whatever else tickles my fancy. I just want to be able to pay the bills and put food on the table. That’s all.

Well, I’m going to quit whining and rambling for now. I think I’ve gotten that out of my system for the time being. Hopefully my next post will be much more positive (not to mention coherent).

A kind reader dropped me a line and mentioned that she had had similar problems, and that taking St. John’s Wort daily helped her. I’ve heard good things about it before, but my brain has been so muddled lately that I didn’t stand a chance of thinking about it myself. So as soon as I get the money, I’m going to give it a try. Thanks for mentioning it Julie!

I’ve also found a web application that I’m giving a whirl in hopes that it will help me use my time more wisely. It’s called 88 Miles, and it’s kind of like an online time clock for freelancers and small business people. I don’t get paid by the hour, but I thought it would be helpful to know just how many hours out of the 24 a day that it seems like I’m in front of this computer are actually spent working. There’s a free trial, so I figured I had nothing to lose.

I started with it yesterday, punching in when I started working, and out when I did something else online, talked to the family, or took a break. It was quite an eye opener. I found that when I did concentrate on what I was doing, it took a reasonable amount of time to get things done. It was just staying on task that was the problem.

Right now I’m working on short articles, which are coming easier than longer projects. I’m anxious to figure my time on a nice long report so that I can compare. I think this is really going to help.

If you are a freelancer who works by the hour, or you are having trouble getting things done on time like me, I highly recommend this program. It’s very easy to use, and the free trial works just fine for one person. You can stay with the free version as long as you like, but you can only record up to 40 hours of time per month with it. The paid version for one user is only $5 per month, so if you like it, springing for it certainly won’t break the bank. And there are also plans for businesses, with timekeeping for up to 20 staff members.

I’m staying with the free version for now due to budget concerns, but I plan to upgrade soon. When I do, I want to keep track of the time I spend doing other stuff online as well.

So there’s what I’ve come up with to help myself so far. I’m still quite open to suggestions, so feel free to drop me a comment or contact me through my contact page. This inability to concentrate stuff is frustrating as hell, but I’m beginning to think maybe I can beat it.

I’ve definitely got to talk to the doctor about this when I go in next week. I don’t like the idea of going on meds, but if they will help, I guess I’m willing to try. I can’t go on not being able to concentrate. If I don’t start getting work done sooner, I’m afraid I will start losing clients. And all of the clients I’m working for now are really awesome, so it would upset me greatly to lose them. Never mind the fact that looking for new clients takes a lot of time, and I don’t get paid for that time.

The only thing I’m having any success with at all is very small assignments, like 150 words or less. And sometimes I can’t even get through those in one sitting. It’s like a bunch of screws have popped loose in my head or something. Is it showing in my writing? Feel free to comment and let me know.

I’ve had trouble concentrating since Hubby got sick and through our whole housing crisis, but things have gotten better on that front. But my lack of concentration has gotten worse. Sometimes I can’t even finish a short article without taking an extended break. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve even fallen off the NaBloPoMo wagon by not doing daily blog posts.

At times I’ve wondered if I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve pondered changing careers, perhaps going into TV repair or designing custom boxes. But after some thought, I realized that’s not the problem.

My lack of concentration has spread to other areas too. It seems that no matter what I’m doing, my mind wanders to something else. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment next week, so I’m going to talk to her about it then.

I hope we get it all straightened out. I was so looking forward to taking my writing to the next level, maybe publishing an ebook and getting some print credentials. But if I can’t even write a short web article, it’s not going to happen.