A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

The past month has really, really sucked. I spent the majority of it laying around feeling like crap. It was like my digestive system just totally turned against me, leaving me in terrible pain and not functioning properly. I would go into more detail, but you probably wouldn’t want to read it so I’ll just leave it at that.

I did go to the doctor, but I had to see the new NP, and she isn’t worth a hoot. I tried to give her a chance, I really did, but she just doesn’t listen. I told her about some other strange symptoms that I was having, and she just looked rather perplexed and gave me something to help with the stomach problems. It helped a little, but not that much. Luckily it resolved somewhat on its own a week or so after I finished the medication. But I’m still not at all back to normal, and I think there’s something underlying that’s causing it all.

Anyway, because I was feeling so horribly, I didn’t get much work done all month. Once I started feeling better physically, the depression that always sets in when I can’t get any work done kept me from getting much work done for a couple more weeks. Today is the first day I’ve been fairly motivated and clearheaded, and wouldn’t you know it, Pumpkin got out of school early and is having a three day weekend.

I feel like a car that’s been sitting on the side of the road, waiting for the breakdown service people to get there. And once I get towed and repaired, something else tears up right after I leave the shop. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’m trying to keep up hope that things will get better. But when they’ve been like this to some degree for the past few years, it gets rather difficult.

My brain could certainly use a motivational poke. I had been getting up fairly early (well, for me anyway) since Pumpkin got out of school. But today I woke up late, and a couple hours later I still haven’t truly woken up. My brain is not being cooperative at all today.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t just take the easy way out and marry one of the top Texas business lawyers so I wouldn’t have to worry about working and making money. But then I remember that I married for love, not money. What was I thinking??? (Hubby, if you see this, I hope you know that I’m just kidding and wouldn’t trade you for all the money in the world!)

I thought I was finally going to get myself on a normal schedule since I’ve been able to go to bed at a decent time and actually go to sleep lately. But if things continue this way, I guess I’ll have to go back to staying up late and working. I’m more productive late at night, and since Pumpkin is out of school, I won’t have to worry about getting up early. So even if my insomnia comes back and I don’t get to sleep until 4:00 in the morning, I’ll be able to sleep in. Maybe I can make it through the summer that way.

You might have noticed that I was a bit agitated when I wrote my last post. Heck, I’ve been a bit agitated ever since, up until now. I’ve been through the whole roller coaster of emotions, from anger to depression to being a nervous wreck and everything in between. I just got behind when I had so much faith in myself that I wouldn’t let it happen, and that really took a toll on me. Between that and it feeling like I’m responsible for doing pretty much everything in this household, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I’m not apologizing. I don’t think I did or said anything out of the way. It was just me being me, and although demands from others were part of the equation, it was completely my fault for not meeting them as promised.

Hubby has been rather out of sorts over it all, too. He doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough, even though we both know he’s doing all he can. And actually more than he should. He got on a housekeeping spree yesterday and started cleaning the bedroom and washing clothes to keep himself busy and help me out, which I really didn’t mind. But even small stuff like that is hard on his back lately, and I wish he’d just pace himself.

But anyhow, I’m more or less caught back up on everything for now. The urges to headbutt the computer screen, or at least give it a few good lashings with a petroleum hose, are gone. And that’s good, because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one at the moment!

Not you, my dear readers. Just the rest of the world in general.

I haven’t been blogging much lately, and it’s been because I’ve been pulled in so many freaking different directions that I’ve forgotten which end is up. And as we all know, blogging upside down is quite difficult. Right?

Anyhoo, I’ve been busting my butt to try to keep certain contracts that offer some semblance of stability, while also trying to keep the clients who offer less stability but regular work happy, and also trying to keep the family happy and the house in something that somewhat resembles order. And (here’s the biggie) trying to keep the finances in order. I realize that I need to take some time out for myself, and I have. But it seems like every time I do, I end up regretting it later because I end up behind schedule on everything else.

I was near the breaking point earlier today. I was working on two different projects, one of which I have to do a certain portion of today, and the other that was due today but I was woefully behind on. Then I got a little bit of bad news about the finances, then a little more, and a little more, until I was just about ready to blow a gasket. Fortunately, by that time, dear Hubby was on his way to the liquor store to pick me up some, shall we say, extra-strength anxiety medication.

I partook, and now I’m much calmer. But I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to get our finances straightened out. I guess I’ll tackle that once all this other work is done. If I worry about it now, there’s no way I’ll even come close to making my deadline.

As always, it could be worse. I could have found out that I need to start looking for some nice comfy maternity clothing. Right now, that would be the icing on the shit cake, for sure. I’ve got enough to deal with, and while babies are adorable and all, I don’t have the time or desire to have one of my own right now. Fortunately I’m taking highly effective precautions against that.

I had considered quitting blogging due to all the other stuff I’ve got going on, but now I’m glad I didn’t. It gives me a place to vent in a way I just can’t with family or the few friends I have. Just bear with me. And if you’d like to commiserate, share your grievances, or whatever in the comments, feel free to do so! It might take me a while to respond, but I promise that I’m there for ya!

I once told myself I’d never go back to punching a clock again. And yet I have.

I didn’t go out and get a “real” job. I just started keeping close tabs on the amount of time I’m spending on various projects. It started out of necessity for one particular project, but I decided to try it with all of my work. I just started yesterday, but it’s working out nicely so far.

The tool I’m using, which makes all of this super-easy, is Toggl. I’m using the free version, which so far meets my needs just fine, but they also have a paid version with more features.

Why am I doing this, you ask? A couple of reasons. For one, I wanted to see just how many hours of work I’m really getting in each day. Sometimes it seems like all I do is work, yet I don’t get anything done. Others it seems like I get an amazing amount accomplished in no time. Now I can have the numbers right in front of me and know just how long it takes me to do what. Another reason is that I wanted to see how much I’m making per hour. I don’t miss getting paid by the hour at all, but seeing my current income in those terms helps me remember that I’m not missing out by not doing the 9-to-5 thing.

This little experiment seems to be increasing my productivity, because I’ve been staying on task better knowing that the clock is ticking. Or maybe I just happen to be particularly productive right now and the time I’m keeping is reflecting that. We’ll see which is true after I’ve done this for a couple of weeks.

I’m beginning to get a little overwhelmed with all of the work that’s coming my way. I snagged another writing contract that runs through September and will likely be extended beyond that. I’ve also been getting work off and on from my newly reacquired client, as well as the ongoing work that the awesome folks at Coupon Trunk provide each week. Add to that my 20 to 25 hours a week at my “job”, and I’m a busy lady.

Well, I wouldn’t say that I’m too busy by normal standards. But after just getting back on track to a somewhat normal life after having been almost completely incapacitated for months on end, it’s a bit nerve wracking. I’ve been barely making my deadlines, and I’ve been contending with writer’s block as well.

But I’ve got to think positively. If I don’t, and I let myself get all stressed out, all this work that I worked so hard to get is going to start crumbling away. And then I would be right back where I started. And quite frankly, I never, ever want to go back there again. I’m ready to get on with my life, get enough money coming in to keep us ahead and get some saved up, and start truly enjoying life again. If I have to work my butt off to make it to that point, so be it.

I haven’t had much time off lately, that’s for sure. Hubby and I have been needing to take a long weekend and go up to my mom’s to get some work done on some trees around her house, but between the insane weather and my schedule, it hasn’t happened yet. By the time I do get up there, I’ll probably be taking her some Mother’s Day flowers (and late ones at that)!

But I can live with that. And I can live with the missed opportunities to have an actual social life lately. The one thing that bothers me is not getting to spend much time with Hubby and Pumpkin. I’ve had to really struggle to make myself stay on task while they’re here, not because they’ve been bugging me to death – they’ve been surprisingly cooperative when I have work to do – but because I know they’re just in the other room and I want to be in there with them. I’ve given in more than I should lately, but I’m going to have to toughen up a bit. At least until the finances are looking better.

The whole balancing act between work and home life is never easy when you work from home. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because I don’t have to let someone else raise my daughter, and I don’t have to worry about not being able to be there for her when she’s sick, needs to talk girl talk, wants me to go to a school function or otherwise needs me. No matter how busy I may be, I can rearrange my schedule so that I can be the Mom I want to be.

No worms for me.

I’ve been trying to get up and get my work done for my new job as early as possible this week. It hasn’t exactly worked out as well as I had hoped, though. On Monday I got up and turned my computer on only to find that I was having major startup problems. I had similar problems over the weekend, ran a virus scan, found some minor stuff, and got rid of it. I thought that had fixed it, but I was wrong.

After running every type of scan I could find and turning up nothing else, I finally found out that my new printer was the culprit. Now I have to make sure that the USB cable is unhooked whenever I start up or shut down my computer. Nice.

Anyway, all that really ate into my work day, and I ended up having to work a couple of hours in the evening. Yesterday I got up and got everything done by early afternoon. Today I got started as soon as Pumpkin got on the bus, and managed to get an hour in before Hubby got up. I stopped to talk to him, and made the mistake of lying down to rest my back, which has been giving me trouble for the past few weeks. I was still laying down after he left, and somehow I ended up going to sleep. And of course I didn’t wake up until shortly before lunchtime.

I worked with only a couple of short breaks until Pumpkin got home, and then I ended up crashing out for another hour. I didn’t have a clue as to why I was staying so sleepy, but now I’m starting to feel a sinus infection coming on. I guess that explains it.

Anyway, I didn’t get all of my work done until late, thanks to the Thunderstorm That Wouldn’t Die. I would have forged ahead if I had a surge protector for my phone line and a UPS, but I don’t, so I didn’t. No way I’m taking a chance on frying my computer or losing data if I can help it.

Now I’m all caught up, and I need to try to get ahead. I need to start looking at this year’s trends in prom dresses so I can blog about them for Coupon Trunk. I’ve also got some other writing to do for them, and would like to get ahead on some of my writing for one of my ghostwriting clients. I had hoped to do my hourly work in the morning and my writing work in the evening, but so far that’s not working out as well as I’d hoped. I’ll get into some sort of routine eventually, though.

Just wanted to pop in and let everybody know that I’m still around. I’ve just been really busy and had a lot on my plate and on my mind lately, and haven’t gotten around to blogging. No big catastrophes, no depressive episodes, just life happening.

I’m still waiting to see if I passed the last qualification test I took for that job. I really hope I did. I’m also scheduled to take an exam for another company that does basically the same thing, but I haven’t heard as many good things about them. At least it’s something to fall back on if this doesn’t work out, though.

I had a busy weekend, what with Pumpkin having a sleepover, she and her friend attending a birthday party, all of us driving up and spending the night with my mom, driving back, and then hanging out with Hubby’s cousin’s family. By the time we got home on Sunday evening, we were all absolutely tuckered out. I slept very well that night, for once.

Now I’m home alone, getting ready to eat a bite and then tackle some writing work while I have the house to myself. Maybe it won’t be so long before my next post.

I spent most of last week concentrating on training for my new job. I had teleconferences, self-study courses, homework and tests to do, so of course it took up quite a bit of my time. I had planned to do some writing each day, but that kind of fell by the wayside.

At least I haven’t gotten behind on anything yet. And I’d like to keep it that way. It seems like when I get behind, it takes forever to catch back up. But I’m hopeful that I won’t have to worry about it now that I don’t have constant writer’s block any more. I’ve been using my planner to keep track of deadlines and things I need to do each day, and that’s helped quite a bit.

I’m just so thankful that I’m finally getting back to the point where I can make a decent living from home again. There for a while I thought I might have to take a local job, and I hated the idea of that. Not only would that seriously cramp my freedom and cause transportation dilemmas until I can get my car fixed, but there also just aren’t many jobs to be had around here. Factories have been shutting down like crazy for the past few years, and even healthcare jobs are becoming more scarce. All that’s really left are jobs that barely pay enough to cover the gas it takes to get there and back.

But as I was saying, I’m trying my best to stay on top of things. Fortunately, it hasn’t been as much of a struggle as it once was. Time will tell if I can keep up the momentum I’ve got going, but I’m feeling good about it.

Guess what I’m celebrating? Give up? Okay, I’ll tell you. I got the job!!!

I’ll be doing my training next week, and barring any problems with that, I’ll get started working the following week. The contract goes through June, so I’ll be working with them at least until then.

If I’m confusing you here, this is technically a contract relationship rather than a job per se. I call it a job because it pays by the hour and there are a certain number of hours I’m required to work each weekday. And to a freelancer, that’s more or less a job. You say tomato, I say tomahto. Whatever you want to call it, it’s more income, which is most definitely a good thing.

Just wanted to share the good news. Now I’ve got to go get some stuff done while I have a chance. I’ve been gone all morning taking the Pumpkinator to the doctor (she has strep once again). Later!