A Work at Home Mom’s Blog

You might have noticed that I was a bit agitated when I wrote my last post. Heck, I’ve been a bit agitated ever since, up until now. I’ve been through the whole roller coaster of emotions, from anger to depression to being a nervous wreck and everything in between. I just got behind when I had so much faith in myself that I wouldn’t let it happen, and that really took a toll on me. Between that and it feeling like I’m responsible for doing pretty much everything in this household, I had a bit of a meltdown.

I’m not apologizing. I don’t think I did or said anything out of the way. It was just me being me, and although demands from others were part of the equation, it was completely my fault for not meeting them as promised.

Hubby has been rather out of sorts over it all, too. He doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough, even though we both know he’s doing all he can. And actually more than he should. He got on a housekeeping spree yesterday and started cleaning the bedroom and washing clothes to keep himself busy and help me out, which I really didn’t mind. But even small stuff like that is hard on his back lately, and I wish he’d just pace himself.

But anyhow, I’m more or less caught back up on everything for now. The urges to headbutt the computer screen, or at least give it a few good lashings with a petroleum hose, are gone. And that’s good, because there’s no way I can afford to buy a new one at the moment!

I once told myself I’d never go back to punching a clock again. And yet I have.

I didn’t go out and get a “real” job. I just started keeping close tabs on the amount of time I’m spending on various projects. It started out of necessity for one particular project, but I decided to try it with all of my work. I just started yesterday, but it’s working out nicely so far.

The tool I’m using, which makes all of this super-easy, is Toggl. I’m using the free version, which so far meets my needs just fine, but they also have a paid version with more features.

Why am I doing this, you ask? A couple of reasons. For one, I wanted to see just how many hours of work I’m really getting in each day. Sometimes it seems like all I do is work, yet I don’t get anything done. Others it seems like I get an amazing amount accomplished in no time. Now I can have the numbers right in front of me and know just how long it takes me to do what. Another reason is that I wanted to see how much I’m making per hour. I don’t miss getting paid by the hour at all, but seeing my current income in those terms helps me remember that I’m not missing out by not doing the 9-to-5 thing.

This little experiment seems to be increasing my productivity, because I’ve been staying on task better knowing that the clock is ticking. Or maybe I just happen to be particularly productive right now and the time I’m keeping is reflecting that. We’ll see which is true after I’ve done this for a couple of weeks.

I’m beginning to get a little overwhelmed with all of the work that’s coming my way. I snagged another writing contract that runs through September and will likely be extended beyond that. I’ve also been getting work off and on from my newly reacquired client, as well as the ongoing work that the awesome folks at Coupon Trunk provide each week. Add to that my 20 to 25 hours a week at my “job”, and I’m a busy lady.

Well, I wouldn’t say that I’m too busy by normal standards. But after just getting back on track to a somewhat normal life after having been almost completely incapacitated for months on end, it’s a bit nerve wracking. I’ve been barely making my deadlines, and I’ve been contending with writer’s block as well.

But I’ve got to think positively. If I don’t, and I let myself get all stressed out, all this work that I worked so hard to get is going to start crumbling away. And then I would be right back where I started. And quite frankly, I never, ever want to go back there again. I’m ready to get on with my life, get enough money coming in to keep us ahead and get some saved up, and start truly enjoying life again. If I have to work my butt off to make it to that point, so be it.

I haven’t had much time off lately, that’s for sure. Hubby and I have been needing to take a long weekend and go up to my mom’s to get some work done on some trees around her house, but between the insane weather and my schedule, it hasn’t happened yet. By the time I do get up there, I’ll probably be taking her some Mother’s Day flowers (and late ones at that)!

But I can live with that. And I can live with the missed opportunities to have an actual social life lately. The one thing that bothers me is not getting to spend much time with Hubby and Pumpkin. I’ve had to really struggle to make myself stay on task while they’re here, not because they’ve been bugging me to death – they’ve been surprisingly cooperative when I have work to do – but because I know they’re just in the other room and I want to be in there with them. I’ve given in more than I should lately, but I’m going to have to toughen up a bit. At least until the finances are looking better.

The whole balancing act between work and home life is never easy when you work from home. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because I don’t have to let someone else raise my daughter, and I don’t have to worry about not being able to be there for her when she’s sick, needs to talk girl talk, wants me to go to a school function or otherwise needs me. No matter how busy I may be, I can rearrange my schedule so that I can be the Mom I want to be.

No worms for me.

I’ve been trying to get up and get my work done for my new job as early as possible this week. It hasn’t exactly worked out as well as I had hoped, though. On Monday I got up and turned my computer on only to find that I was having major startup problems. I had similar problems over the weekend, ran a virus scan, found some minor stuff, and got rid of it. I thought that had fixed it, but I was wrong.

After running every type of scan I could find and turning up nothing else, I finally found out that my new printer was the culprit. Now I have to make sure that the USB cable is unhooked whenever I start up or shut down my computer. Nice.

Anyway, all that really ate into my work day, and I ended up having to work a couple of hours in the evening. Yesterday I got up and got everything done by early afternoon. Today I got started as soon as Pumpkin got on the bus, and managed to get an hour in before Hubby got up. I stopped to talk to him, and made the mistake of lying down to rest my back, which has been giving me trouble for the past few weeks. I was still laying down after he left, and somehow I ended up going to sleep. And of course I didn’t wake up until shortly before lunchtime.

I worked with only a couple of short breaks until Pumpkin got home, and then I ended up crashing out for another hour. I didn’t have a clue as to why I was staying so sleepy, but now I’m starting to feel a sinus infection coming on. I guess that explains it.

Anyway, I didn’t get all of my work done until late, thanks to the Thunderstorm That Wouldn’t Die. I would have forged ahead if I had a surge protector for my phone line and a UPS, but I don’t, so I didn’t. No way I’m taking a chance on frying my computer or losing data if I can help it.

Now I’m all caught up, and I need to try to get ahead. I need to start looking at this year’s trends in prom dresses so I can blog about them for Coupon Trunk. I’ve also got some other writing to do for them, and would like to get ahead on some of my writing for one of my ghostwriting clients. I had hoped to do my hourly work in the morning and my writing work in the evening, but so far that’s not working out as well as I’d hoped. I’ll get into some sort of routine eventually, though.

I spent most of last week concentrating on training for my new job. I had teleconferences, self-study courses, homework and tests to do, so of course it took up quite a bit of my time. I had planned to do some writing each day, but that kind of fell by the wayside.

At least I haven’t gotten behind on anything yet. And I’d like to keep it that way. It seems like when I get behind, it takes forever to catch back up. But I’m hopeful that I won’t have to worry about it now that I don’t have constant writer’s block any more. I’ve been using my planner to keep track of deadlines and things I need to do each day, and that’s helped quite a bit.

I’m just so thankful that I’m finally getting back to the point where I can make a decent living from home again. There for a while I thought I might have to take a local job, and I hated the idea of that. Not only would that seriously cramp my freedom and cause transportation dilemmas until I can get my car fixed, but there also just aren’t many jobs to be had around here. Factories have been shutting down like crazy for the past few years, and even healthcare jobs are becoming more scarce. All that’s really left are jobs that barely pay enough to cover the gas it takes to get there and back.

But as I was saying, I’m trying my best to stay on top of things. Fortunately, it hasn’t been as much of a struggle as it once was. Time will tell if I can keep up the momentum I’ve got going, but I’m feeling good about it.

“Gloom, despair and agony on me-e!
Deep dark depression, excessive misery-y!
If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all!
Gloom, despair and agony on me-e-e!”
- The Hee Haw Cast

This has been the story of my life for way too long. I’m ready for a change, and I’m hopeful that it’s happening right now.

A couple of awesome things happened last week. First, I got an out-of-the-blue email from a former writing client. When I saw it in my inbox, I figured she was just checking in to see if I was doing any better than when she last heard from me nearly a year ago, because she’s nice like that. That was part of it, but she also said that I was welcome to come back to work for her any time.

After I recovered from the shock of it all, I emailed her back with an apology for flaking out and an enthusiastic “Yes, please, I would love to come back to work for you right now!” She immediately assigned me a small batch of articles. That made me very happy.

The next day, something told me to check the balance in the bank account, even though I hadn’t made any deposits, written any checks or used the debit card lately, and there weren’t any automatic bill pays scheduled. I found that both our federal and state tax refunds had been deposited early. Between that and the reunion with one of my favorite clients, what started out as a rough week turned out to be one of the best I’ve had in a while.

I hope the good luck holds out a little longer, because I’ve got an interview for an hourly work-at-home position this afternoon. I’m really hoping to get this one. If I do, maybe I won’t have to keep applying for gigs writing about running shoes or washing machines or safe diet pills only to never hear anything back any more. And that would be truly awesome.

At any rate, at least I don’t have to constantly worry about the finances for now. And even if the job isn’t in the cards, maybe something else will come up before the tax money is gone. Now that a couple of things have gone my way, it’s not such a struggle to be optimistic.

I noticed something strange about my work habits some time ago, but it’s recently become more pronounced. During the day, when I’m here by myself, I have a lot of trouble concentrating. I’ve tried turning on music, but then I want to concentrate on the music instead of my work. And I just can’t bring myself to leave the TV on in the background because it’s such a waste of electricity.

Around the time Pumpkin gets home, that’s when I start getting into work mode. But then I have to keep her company for a while and help her with her homework. I try to work when she starts playing video games or talking to friends on the phone, but the noise keeps breaking my concentration. And when Hubby is here, there’s no hope for concentrating on much of anything most of the time.

You might think that I just have all-around trouble concentrating regardless of my work environment, and to a certain extent that’s true. But late at night, after everyone else is in bed and it’s quiet again, it seems that I’m the most productive. I still have trouble concentrating, but it’s easier to work through it.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain doesn’t really start focusing until late in the day. I suppose I could invest in some of those noise-canceling headphones to wear when Pumpkin and Hubby are here and I’m trying to work, but then I would worry about Pumpkin getting hurt or something and not being able to hear her yell for help. For now, it looks like my best solution is to do most of my work late at night.

The past week has been so full of ups and downs, I feel like I’ve been riding a roller coaster. I’ve even had the nausea to prove it.

It all started Sunday night, when Pumpkin got up vomiting. She was out of school for two days with a horrid stomach bug. I had planned to get lots of work and work hunting done, but that didn’t happen since I was waiting on her hand and foot and barely getting out of her sight. Taking care of her is the most important thing to me, no question. But I really needed to try and make some money, because Hubby was supposed to be losing his only source of income.

In the meantime, I got an offer to buy the domain name of my other blog. I named a price, based on the average of what several of those website value estimators said, and heard nothing back for a few days. I assumed that the prospective buyer wasn’t interested in paying much for it and mourned the loss of that extra income.

The night before Pumpkin went back to school, I found out that I had the virus that she had just gotten over. That morning, Hubby woke up with it, too. We were completely useless that day, and yet again I got no work done. Most people would have just grabbed their laptop backpacks and camped out in bed or on the couch, and gotten at least a thing or two done. But no laptop here, therefore no can work if I can’t drag myself to my computer desk.

I heard back from the prospective buyer, and was offered a much lower price for the domain name. After a lot of thinking and weighing the pros and cons of selling, I decided that I would take a lower price, but not quite that low. So I made a counteroffer that I thought we could both agree to. And it worked. The buyer’s agent set up the transaction, payment was sent to them, and I followed the instructions to initiate the transfer.

Then I found out that it would be twenty days until I would receive my money. The domain registrar has it, but they don’t send it until twenty days after the agreement is made. So there went my plans to get the mortgage and some other bills up to date.

The next day, Hubby got a piece of mail. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it looks like his money will now be coming in for a few months longer. That will be helpful. But had I known that, I don’t know if I would have taken the price I did for my domain.

Somewhere along the way, I got an email from one of my contacts informing me that he had received a virus email sent from my email address. I had suspected that something was wrong with my computer for a while, because it was running slower and doing a couple of other strange things. But my usual virus and malware scans had turned up nothing. I spent an entire day working through the steps outlined at Major Geeks in an attempt to eradicate it. It seems to have paid off, because I have seen no further signs of possible infection. But there was yet another day when I got no paying work or job hunting done.

Speaking of which, I still haven’t had a bit of luck finding any projects or ongoing gigs. I picked out some articles from Demand Studios to do, but writing them is slow going since I haven’t written for them in so long. And a lot of their titles turn out to be impossible to write after some research, so that’s pretty hit or miss. Maybe when the proceeds from my domain sale come in I’ll feel comfortable enough to work on some of my own projects. Until then, I’ll keep looking for work from others.

So that’s my roller-coaster week in a nutshell. I really hope next week is much less eventful. Or at least eventful only in good ways.

I’ve still been applying for every writing gig I can find that I’m qualified for and interested in. And I’ve still heard nothing back from any of them. Well, I did hear back from one, but it was just a form letter saying that they start out at a penny per word and to email them back if still interested. Needless to say, I deleted that one. I’m an experienced writer, and I don’t work for peanuts.

There are bills to pay and no money to pay them. Depression is trying its best to set in, and anxiety is sending my brain into a tizzy. But I’m fighting those demons with all I’ve got, and I refuse to let them get the best of me. If I’m going to get through this, I have to be clearheaded and focused.

I plan on working on some things that provide ongoing income rather than doing the work and getting paid once. Like setting up some websites to generate affiliate income, or writing some ebooks. But those things take time to start bringing money in, and right now I need something that pays quickly. Once I get some steady work with steady pay coming in, I can work on the other stuff.

I’m not giving up this time. I can’t afford to. Giving up is what got me where I am right now, and I’m not letting it take me down any further.

All this week, I’ve been actively applying for writing gigs. I found one that I thought was a sure thing, took the test for it, and haven’t heard anything back. I found another that looked really promising, did a couple of samples, and have yet to get a response. I applied for several more, and have heard absolutely nothing. But I’m not giving up. Not this time.

The beginning of my freelance writing career kind of spoiled me, I think. By some stroke of luck, I ended up with one large project and two ongoing jobs within a few days’ time. And that was when I had no experience whatsoever writing for anyone but myself. I was hoping things would work out similarly this time around, but so far they’re not. That’s okay, though. I’m sure competition is stiff with the economy in the shape it’s in. And it’s quite possible that some prospective clients just don’t like my prices. I’m not terribly expensive, but I refuse to work for peanuts.

For now, I’m not letting it get to me. I’m just going to keep on keeping on. I’m in a good state of mind, and I’d like to keep it that way. Back before my meds started working, I would probably be beating my computer with a metal hose right about now, because I would already be discouraged and frustrated and scared that I would never get enough work to keep the bills paid. But as it is, I’m able to maintain a positive outlook. And I think it will pay off eventually.